have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
