We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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