dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
