to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
