Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
