My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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