I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
