He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
