I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I touched a dick in church today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
