Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I did not marry a roomba.
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