i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
