Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
