i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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