is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
