final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
