I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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