Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
