Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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