You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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