i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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