I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
