Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
