Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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