so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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