ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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