If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
