we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
