I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
