Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
