so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
