Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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