Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
