Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
