I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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