i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
