last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
