I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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