her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
