Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
