I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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