My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
smell my finger.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
