guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
