I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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