I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
