Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
