I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
