some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
