Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
