I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
