i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
