I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Congratulations! We have a period
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
